Me: “In that case, she’d have to be a pretty CHARITABLE lesbian; don’t you think otherwise she’d be jealous?”
Oldest: “Maybe she IS a charitable lesbian.”
Posts Tagged as ‘binomial theorem’
September 15, 2009
The Girl on the Left.
Filed under confidence, etiquette, family, humor, kids, life, relationships, satire, self-image, sexuality
Tags: ass, awkward situations, backseat, bear-hugged, benefit, binomial theorem, blonde, brunette, burly, catbird seat, charitable, dismissal, effective, effective strategy, embarrassed, endlessly annoying, epic fail, etiquette, exasperated, footballer, foreplay, girl on the left, graciously, homework, hump, indignity, jock, kiss, lap, lecture, lesbian, ludicrously rude, math, meddling, molested, narrate, nice, non-plussed, nuzzling, obnoxious, ponytail, practical, quarterback, reading, sensible, shotgun, smooch, snobbery, spit-covered, squeeze, sucked face, teenaged, tonguing, useful
October 1, 2008
But I didn’t WANNA go to school…
Kids ask me all the time if I’d rather be a kid or a grownup. I don’t have to think about it.
Grownup, hands-down. I can do all the kids’ stuff I want to – plus, I don’t have to go to school, and I can eat frosting out of the can.
Filed under confidence, family, humor, life, self-image
Tags: admit you don't know, answer, ask me no questions, because I say so, Big Business, binomial theorem, Bottom Line, budgets, chirping, Colgate grin, cut to the chase, day in the life, drop-dead beautiful, duh, duty, dying for a cigarette, fact versus opinion, family, giggle, gorgeous glowy girls, graceful, gun, homeroom, hornswaggled, humor, ignorant parent, illuminating, journalist, kid or grownup, life, management, middle school, multiplication tables, no homework, no one to sit with, no smoking, obnoxious, open house, outrageous, patient, police, power side of the desk, pregnant, raise your hand, real world, ridiculous, robotically, rotten attitude, schedule, school, SO not fair, standardized tests, Starsky, starving artist, swallow a torpedo, teachers, the popular kids, too much homework, volunteer, why, wouldn't last a day
September 15, 2008
I’m with stupid.
“Are you a vegetarian?” she asks, big blue eyes wide.
“I don’t know,” I respond helplessly.
She tilts a sympathetic head. “It’s Oh-Kay…” she says, extending the vowels, “everyone experiments sexually.”
Filed under confidence, cooking, family, humor, life, satire, sexuality
Tags: actors, admiration, Ashton Kutcher, auburn hair, bacon, beanstalk, binomial theorem, blonde jokes, Brenda Song, characters, colossus, delighted, dim-witted, dogs, encouragement, experiment sexually, extreme intelligence, family, flabbergasted, genuises, goggle, golden blonde, good listener, Greenland, humor, independence, informal French, intelligent, IQ test, kitchen, life, math homework, meatatarianism, pantyhose, rapier wit, rationalize, satire, spiritual thing, stupid, Suzanne Somers, vegetarianism
Everything you read on this blog is actually true. As in, this is a genuine, non-fiction blog. Generally, I don't name names when the parties concerned are (a) related to me and/or (b) under the age of majority, and therefore no matter how funny they are, unable to give their informed consent to have their hilarious but true commentary on the ridiculousness of life publicized globally. I do, however, skirt the issue of crediting them by admitting it was not ME who came up with their jokes, but "some kid." (Works for most of us.)