Yet swerve he did NOT, and put his arms around me, and kissed me like Bogart kissed Bergman in Casablanca.
Yipes.
Careful to keep my New York cool, I then shook his hand and said:
“How do you do? I’m Elizabeth. And your name is?”
Posts Tagged as ‘stupid’
May 6, 2009
The Top Five Lies an Honest Person Should Tell
…to get to the main point here: SOMETIMES, it’s important to LIE. Because the worst kind of mean-hearted bully is the kind who tries to use “honesty” to hurt other people, to wit:
“I’m just being honest here. You DO look fat.”
December 27, 2008
The REAL serpent in the garden
God puts a revolving fiery sword and a band of cherubim at the gate. Nice. Keep in mind, when you hear cherubim, don’t think sweet little cherubs. Every single time an angel appears in sacred texts, the first thing they say isn’t what you see on the Lifetime Channel: “Hey, let me solve your problems.”
It’s: “Be not afraid.”
September 15, 2008
I’m with stupid.
“Are you a vegetarian?” she asks, big blue eyes wide.
“I don’t know,” I respond helplessly.
She tilts a sympathetic head. “It’s Oh-Kay…” she says, extending the vowels, “everyone experiments sexually.”
August 29, 2008
Whack a Mobster, Waste Some Time. It’s Fun. Really.
It all sort of reminds me of this one leather jacket I have. It’s my favorite, actually. For some reason, whenever I wear it, I feel just like Kate Beckinsale in the movie “Underworld” – you know, the one where she’s this really sexy, really tough superhero vampire?
Everything you read on this blog is actually true. As in, this is a genuine, non-fiction blog. Generally, I don't name names when the parties concerned are (a) related to me and/or (b) under the age of majority, and therefore no matter how funny they are, unable to give their informed consent to have their hilarious but true commentary on the ridiculousness of life publicized globally. I do, however, skirt the issue of crediting them by admitting it was not ME who came up with their jokes, but "some kid." (Works for most of us.)